Advice: Coming Out to My Parents as Polyamorous

Question: “My Parents know I’m queer but how do I tell them I’m poly. I don’t want them to be confused when I come home with multiple partners.” – Anon

Before I answer, I just want to try and give some info on queer and poly (polyamorous) terms. 

Polygamous is the practice of or desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners. Check out these articles by Metro UK and Huff Post for some questions that might of popped into your head. 

Queer, from what I understand, is an umbrella term that can encompass anyone outside of the dominant narrative (LGBT). It’s a non specific term for sexual orientation or gender identity. Need more info? Check out 5 things to know about the Q in LGBTQ

That’s that’s lol make sure you check out the articles maybe they’ll aide you in your self discovery 🙂

I wasn’t able to ask if they would like to be identified so I’ll just call them Anon for now. Also thank you very much for asking us for advice 🙂 you’re a brave soul! 

Just the fact that you are contemplating sharing another piece of yourself with your loved ones is something amazing! I am by no means an expert in polyamory but I hope you can take something from this to aide you in your journey!

Putting myself in your shoes, there’s a few ways you could go about telling you parents you are polyamorous.

One, is diving into it head first and dealing with their questions as they pop into their heads or even just telling them things that you would be curious about being in their shoes. Now of course you have an advantage here because you know the questions and answers even misconceptions associated with polyamory. Remember that you sharing this with your parents is for you to be able to live in your truth and also for your relationship. There could be a downside here, it will be intense but the end result might have the better pay of since you’ve got it out of the way and are completely out.

Another way you could tell them, is by talking to one of your parent first. Maybe the parent that would handle this particular news the best? And ask them how you can tell your other parent. Maybe it’ll feel like you have some kind of support in one of them knowing. This could have a downside also, the parent you tell last night be a bit hurt but just assure them that it’s nothing personal you care about them just the same it’s just for this situation this was just easier for you and it is about you after all right? 

You might even be able to just ease them into it and just answer questions as days go by. Maybe bring one partner along one day and the other another day?  “This is my partner but that was and is my partner as well. Actually  I am polyamorous and I care and am with both of them”  

In the end, I’m sure it will be, for lack of a better word, a shock for them at first and maybe it will be a bit weird for them at first but they should start becoming comfortable with seeing you having two partners at the dinner table. Lol I’m assuming anyone sits around the dinner table anymore.

Your parents should love you unconditionally and even though you’d love for them to get behind you and support you no matter who you are and what you like, healthy and consensual things of course lol no dead bodies, it might take them some adjusting and understanding. 

Reminder! This is your life not theirs, you coming out is all for you, so you can be confident and happy living and being the way you choose. If anything negativity arises from this, at least you are being honest with yourself.  Just be patient with them and yourself.  

Oh one last thing! Maybe you can have you partners or friends role play with you lol  pretend you are telling your parents and that way you can have an idea and feeling of what it could be like? Just stay brave and positive! Tackle this once you feel ready! 

“Patience is bitter, but it’s fruit is sweet ”

– Aristotle

Thanks again Anon for this opportunity and good vibes on your journey 😀

– Chris Flores

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